Understand the person behind the words before you read those words.
My Name is Nick Mac. I am 30 years old. I grew up in Sag Harbor, New York. I currently reside in Camrose, Alberta, Canada with my wife and 3 kids. Let me tell you why and how I got here today, writing my story and sharing it all with you.
I grew up in what many consider A “normal” environment. My parents were divorced before I could develop any real memories of them together. My dad and mom both re-married and I was blessed with 2 amazing stepparents and new brothers and sisters. I was an average school student. I was an average athlete. I played basketball, baseball, football and I boxed. I still train boxing to this day when I can. Aĺl of this seems like your basic, everyday growing up in a small town stuff, right? Well around the age of 16, everything for me went south and fast.
I was training daily, mainly for the upcoming Golden Gloves boxing tournament. During sparring, I threw a right hook improperly and my life changed forever. I broke my thumb and snapped and lost my ligaments in my right hand. Everything I was working for, everything I dreamed of was ripped away from me in a matter of a second. I didn’t talk about it. I did what any angry kid would do. I let it fester, I let it boil and boil until it eventually spilled over and wreaked havoc in my life for the next 13 years. I turned to alcohol and weed. Just on weekends I said. Weekends turned into daily use. Before school, during school, after school, I was drunk or stoned. I faked my way to college. I started using heavier drugs. Before I knew it, I was being kicked out of college, a full blown alcoholic and cocaine addict. I had to move back home, face my parents as a failure still denying my inevitable swirling out of control addictions.
Life didn’t get any easier. I had girlfriends. I went out places and tried to be social. None of that worked. All I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself and get high. I started stealing, hurting the people I loved, missing family functions, a real sick human being and dysfunctional member of society. I was now 23 years old in full blown addiction with no job, money, or way out. I finally asked for help. I went to rehab after rehab, 12 step meeting after 12 step meeting and to no avail. 6 months clean here, another 30 days there, none of it mattered. Looking back now I can say this. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to look good for others and had no care about changing myself.
Fast forward to 2015. I’m living in Florida in yet another recovery home. For the first time, I felt a sense of belonging. I felt a sense that I wanted my life to be better and I knew I could do it. I absolutely entrenched myself in sobriety and cleaning up my life and the damage I’d caused. I did. I worked hard. I searched the depths of my soul and brought every bit of pain and discomfort to the surface. There are things I thought I’d never say out loud and I did. As a matter of fact, there are things that not even my parents know, but they will now and so will many others. I’m a suicide survivor. They know that. Some don’t but I’m not ashamed because now more than ever I want to live! I’m also not ashamed anymore of what I’m about to reveal. I’m also a rape survivor. Not something a man is supposed to talk about, right? Wrong. am not grasping at attention, I am not aiming for this to be the focal point of this article. I dealt with it a long time ago. No details needed or added. It does not define who I am and it does not stop me any longer from being who I am determined to be. Period. During this time in Florida, I faced it, I felt it, and I fucking conquered it! Im revealing it now because i want people to know they arent alone. It can happen to anyone at anytime and dont be scared to talk about it. Also I blamed myself for a long time and it made things exponentially worse. That is all that needs to be said at this time.
During this time, I also began a long distance relationship with a woman. From the moment we said hello I knew I was going to be with her. She wasn’t so sure. But back to that in a bit. I went back to New York on a visit to my mother, stepfather and sister. The 3rd day of my visit my mother and sister were attending a baby shower, my stepdad not feeling well, stayed home. I was getting ready for a catering job I picked up and noticed something wasn’t right with my stepdad. Simultaneously, my mother and sister arrived. I checked on him and immediately my mom was on the phone with 911 and I hopped on the bed and started CPR relentlessly until a policeman showed up, pulled me off and told me he was gone. I couldn’t believe it. A man that had been in my life since I was a kid, gone. I decided to stay in New York and help my mother and sister try and get through this. The state ripped away his benefits. They took all my mom had.
My entire Life up until now, there was one thing that never wavered,one thing that I never lost or left me, and that was my undeniable love and passion for sports. Any time I was angry, sad, joyous,anxious, I threw on a game, calmed myself, and felt like it was all going to be okay. I cheered on the NY Yankees, NY Giants, and Dallas Mavericks with every fiber of my being. I have athletes not affiliated with those teams I cheer on vehemently as well. I religiously watch UFC and boxing. I went to so many games the memories are jumbled together. I was there for Strahan breaking the sack record, I was there when Jeremy Shockey caught the TD pass to send the Giants to the playoffs only to melt down the next week at San Francisco, I was there when Mcgwire broke the light in center field at Shea Stadium during his torrid 1998 campaign. I’ve caught foul balls, I’ve seen my older brother almost fight John Rocker outside Yankee Stadium, I watched Aaron Judge obliterate the HR derby down in Miami. All some of the best moments of my life. All those feelings, all those emotions is why I’m writing this blog. I’m bringing to this page every fiber of my being that I cheer my teams on with. I’m bringing it to every big story I break or article I express myself in. I’m bringing an unparralled love and passion to the page and trying to make you feel the things I am.
Fast forward a few months past the time I spent helping my mom and sister. During all of this, I kept the relationship growing with the woman I had met online down in Florida. She knew everything. She didn’t judge or care about my wrongs, but decided to instead celebrate and point out the things I did right. We fell in love. One thing was, she lived in Alberta, Canada. She has 3 kids, she was just getting out of a dysfunctional, long marriage, but she loved me and I loved her more than anything. We hadn’t even met yet! I decided I was going to make this happen even if it took everything I had, I was going to be there for this woman and 3 kids. I did. I flew here on December 9th, 2017. We were married one year later. We just celebrated 1 year of marriage. These 4 human beings are the light of my life. With me came my crazy, passionate, sometimes psychotic love for sports. They love me for it. Sometimes even in spite of it.
So here I am. I have an extended period of clean time. I’m working hard every day to never go back. I’m finding outlets. I’m putting my passion into this. I’m showing my kids that no dream is too big as long as you believe in it and yourself. I do. I truly believe I have the talent, skill, and love for this. So I’m going to make it. I’m going to see this through until the day I die. Even if I never get to write for a major network or ESPN, that’s fine, I’m doing this and I’m giving it my absolute best. I, Nick Mac, am here making a statement that I won’t be denied, my wife and kids will see me chase my dream and never stop dreaming it.
To The Rack With Mac 